Had a date tonight. Has to be the shortest one on record. The original plan was for dinner and a movie. She suggested we skip the movie and go back to her place. I told her I wasn't ready to move that fast and she looked at me like I had 1 eye in the middle of my head or something.
I finally agreed to drinks at her apartment, listen to some music and chat. That was all just a ploy to get me inside. Once the door closed she was all over me. Not that I am complaining. She just needed "some", and told me so.
Back in the day, I wouldn't have cared and would have been all over that like white on rice. People change and the very thought of mindless sex or a one night stand, left a bad taste in my mouth.
I asked for a rain check on the drink and she proceeded to try and unzip my jeans. When I refused, she called me every name in the book and a few I never even heard of. I tried to tell her that is wasn't her. She is a very attractive, sexy lady. I could tell she was hurt and embarrassed and I hate that.
By the time I got back to my truck, she was calling my cell, begging me to come back and just stay the night with her. I know about that kind of loneliness, and how long the nights can seem. Especially when you are left alone with only memories to keep you company.
It's not just the memories of her and me that bother me. It is also the thought of her with him that kills me. He takes her and her love for granted, something that I would never do. Yet, it's him that she wants. Not me. Go figure.
I compare each and every woman to her and they all come up short. I love the way she smiles, it makes me smile inside. Her laugh, especially when she gets really cracked up, the way she moves. She has that certain something, that I have yet to find in any other woman. Like tonight for instance, I found myself thinking of her through dinner while the other one talked about things I didn't give a rats ass about.
I love what a good mother and daughter she is, how unselfish she is, how kind and loving, compassionate. She has a way of making everyone around her feel special and loved. I want to do the same for her. I want to protect her from those intent on hurting and using her.
Looks like it will be another long night. At least I have memories to keep me company. Maybe that's good and maybe that's bad.
In The Cradle
I look down into her eyes,
Her arms around my neck,
Legs around my waist.
My hard chest pressing against her voluptuous breast.
Her kiss is like fire,
Her touch like satin,
Her warmth so inviting,
In the cradle of desire.
She moves underneath me,
I burn and melt,
So wet and tight
Passion rises higher
Candles flicker casting our shadow
Entertwined, as one on the wall
Rock me baby doll,
In your cradle of desire.
(12/15/1993)
3:30 AM UPDATE:
By the clock I see that it's almost (time). Was getting ready to hit the sack when I noticed, HER on line. We talked by IM for a while. I tried to keep things on a friendly basis, not get personal and keep my feelings and opinions to myself. As I read between the lines, the feeling kept getting stronger and stronger. Something is wrong. I know her too well. Something is very,very wrong. Does no good to ask the question because the response will always be that everything is fine. BULLSHIT! Of course there is every possibility that I am just tired, and a little drunk and am jumping to conclusions. If I could hear her voice, speak to her personally, I would know for sure.
I can't help but be concerned. She used to come to me with her problems, the ones she wanted me to know about at least. I was her sounding board and confidant and now I can't get a straight answer about a damn thing!
Like I said, don't know what is going on, but I am deeply concerned. All I know is that something ain't right. If you are a praying person, say one for her,or just send some good thoughts.
Something stops me from totally letting go. Inside I hold on to a tiny shred of hope that one day she will be mine. Stranger things have happened. I can't force her to love me or want to be with me. I know that.
History has a strange way of repeating itself. And when it does, BigH will be front and center!
Along those lines, enjoy this song by Richard Marx.
This is another feeble attempt at putting into words what I was feeling at the time.
I sat in the corner and watched her sleeping in my bed. Looking like a little girl there all curled up With her dark hair fanned out across the pillow. Underneath the covers,womanly curves that I could picture so well in my mind.
She came to me, hurt and broken. I only wanted to ease the pain and mend the broken heart, Hoping, when it healed, she might be mine.
I watched her sleep for hours. On stand by should tears begin to fall again. Ready to wipe them away, or just hold her in my arms.
I watched her sleep, silently cursing the one who had reduced her to this. He left her, but I would be here when she opened her eyes. I would deal with the mess he left behind and get her through this. I watched her sleep, not able to understand how anyone could throw away something so beautiful.
I wondered if she was dreaming of him, while I watched her sleep.
Imus has been fired for his "nappy headed..." on air comment. I thought the comment was in bad taste, but in America, we are granted freedom of speech. Right....?
How about New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin's, "...chocolate city..." comment?
And now we have Bill Maher blasting Jesus and all religion. Below is an excerpt from his appearance April 16,2007 on The View.
JOY BEHAR: I read a quote of you, as it said religion is bad, drugs are good. Could you please elaborate?
HASSELBECK: Please
[laughter]
BILL MAHER: That's what I always say when people say why don't you run for office, which they say to me all the time which is crazy. And I say, well my campaign would start with religion is bad and drugs are good. Would you like to be the campaign manager for that political campaign?
BEHAR: It is all religion and all drugs or some religion and some drugs?
MAHER: Of course not. I would say all religion, yes.
BEHAR: All religion is bad.
MAHER: Pretty much all religion. I mean, there are varying degrees but it's all very, you know, childish destructive nonsense in my view.
ELISABETH HASSELBECK: Gosh I so disagree with that.
MAHER: Of course you do.
HASSELBECK: Of course I do.
[laughter]
JOY BEHAR: What about people who just like to go to church, you know, the old ladies in my neighborhood who used to go and light a candle? It made them feel good, their husbands died, they felt better. What about that?
MAHER: They are certainly better than people who fly planes into buildings, yes. But they are enablers for some thing that is worldwide and winds up killing more people, distracting us from more good works--
HASSELBECK: So you think all faith is a distraction.
BEHAR: It’s never going to change.
MAHER: I think all faith is a distraction. I think it’s the greatest con in the world. They’re selling an invisible product. If some human tells you --
HASSELBECK: I'm buying it then, apparently.
MAHER: You are like millions are, but, but this kind-
WALTERS: There are books written on this side of it-
BEHAR: You don’t hear this side very often.
MAHER: Not in this country, but in Europe they’re over religion. It's this country is a very religious country. But if somebody tells you what happens when you die, and who God is, just remember, unless a god told you himself and if he did we'll call Belle View, that's another human being telling you what happens when you die. Why don't you say to that human being, how do you know? How do you know?
MAHER: Wait a minute.
WALTERS: Something like 87 percent of people in this country, because we did a whole program last year on heaven and how you get there believe in heaven and believe that they’re going to get there and if this gives them solace or faith...
BEHAR: But science has never really been able to answer the question how did it all start?
MAHER: Right, I agree.
BEHAR: Who is the first mover? So, religion gives an answer. Science can't give it either. Neither side gives an answer.
MAHER: But just because there is no answer is no reason to make one up, that's all I'm saying.
BEHAR: But the scientific doesn't have an answer and says there's nothing.
HASSELBECK: We've seen that merge with intelligent design, recently, don’t you agree? I think that’s kind of a viable option.
HASSELBECK: Intelligent design. It’s kind of a merging of both of those, those thoughts.
BEHAR: It’s neither intelligent nor designing.
MAHER: It's creationism with a fancy name.
BEHAR: Yeah, I don’t believe in that.
MAHER: And Bush says we should teach them both, which is interesting theory that we teach stupidity alongside of knowledge. It’s like saying, well, we’re going to teach how babies are really born in the hospital and then we’re going to teach that the stork brings them.
WALTERS: Who is going to answer the mail that is coming to this show?
Even though I don't agree with Maher's views, he is entitled to them and has the right to express them.
D.L. Hugley, one of my favorite comedians, was on the Tonight Show last week and when asked about the Imus ordeal had this to say:
On Imus:
Freedom of speech is kind of a zero-sum proposition. Either you believe in it or you don’t. Now, whether you agree with what Imus said or not, or found it funny, he had the right to say it. It has never been about what somebody calls you, it’s what you answer to. I mean, I wouldn’t take Don Imus seriously. He looks like a werewolf that didn’t finish changing, don’t he? It’s like he was just about to be a werewolf, but then the sun came out. “Damn!”
"And let’s face it, he called them hoez, nappy-headed hoez, and they weren’t hoez. But it was some nappy-headed women on that team. [laughter and groans from audience] Shut up, I’m gonna say it, I don’t give a damn y’all like it or not, you know it’s true. Them’s some of the ugliest women I ever seen in my whole life. "
Freedom of speech should be apply to ALL. Not just those that you agree with. Sure people will say things that hurt your feelings and yes there are racist, small minded people in our country.
So, who do we put in charge of deciding what we can and can not say? What if their views are different from mine? Do they have the right to censor what I can and can not hear? How long will it be until they start deciding what music I can and can not listen to, or what books I can read?
The question now is, will they come after Hughley next? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
This is an observation from a friend of mine who recently retired from teaching and now has the time to feed the birds..........
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. Within a week, we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile; the chairs; the table; everywhere.
Then some of the birds turned mean: They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud - They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it was low on food. After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore.
I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now lets see...our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly, our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English; Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press "one" to hear my bank talk to me in English; and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.
Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder...
